|Vitriol or bitterness|
In my book “Veronika decides to die”, which takes place in a psychiatric hospital, the director develops a theory about an undetectable poison which contaminates the organism over the years: vitriol.
Like the libido – the sexual liquid that Dr. Freud had recognized, but no laboratory had ever been able to isolate, vitriol is distilled by the organisms of human beings who are in a state of fear. Most of the people affected identify its taste, which is neither sweet nor salty, but bitter. – that is why depressions are intrinsically associated to the word Bitterness.
All beings have Bitterness in their organism – to a greater or lesser degree – in the same way that almost all of us have the tuberculosis bacillus. However, these two diseases only attack when the patient is debilitated; in the case of Bitterness, the terrain for the disease to arise appears when we are afraid of the so-called “reality”.
Certain people, in their anxiety to build a world where no outside threat could penetrate, increase exaggeratedly their defenses against the outside – strangers, new places, different experiences – and leave the inside unprotected. It is then that Bitterness begins to cause irreversible harm.
The biggest target of Bitterness (or Vitriol, as the doctor of my book preferred) is desire. People attacked by this evil begin losing their desire for everything and in a few years are unable to go outside their world – because they have used up enormous energy reserves building high walls for the reality to be what they wanted it to be.
When avoiding outside attack, they also limit internal growth. They continue going to work, watching television, complaining about the traffic and having children, but all that happens automatically, without really understanding why they are behaving like that – after all, everything is under control.
The great problem of poisoning by Bitterness lies in the fact that passions – hate, love, despair, enthusiasm and curiosity – also don’t appear any more. After some time, the bitter person has no more desire. They had no more will even to live, or to die; that was the problem.
For that reason, for bitter people, heroes and madmen are always fascinating: they are not afraid to live or die. Both heroes and madmen are indifferent in the face of danger and go on ahead in spite of everyone saying not to do so. The madman commits suicide, the hero offers himself up to martyrdom for a cause – but both die, and bitter people spend many nights and days talking about the absurdness and glory of the two types. That is the only moment when the bitter person has the strength to reach the top of his defensive wall and look outside a little; but soon his hands and feet tire and he returns to daily life.
The chronically bitter person only notices his disease once a week: on Sunday afternoons. Then, as he has no work or routine to relieve the symptoms, he realizes that something is very wrong.
I keep forcing down upon myself that the world is not about nonsense love swoons and cupid struck madness. Bitter am I not? Maybe so, I cant blame me or anyone else about it, I AM BITTER.
My dead heart is not so dead after all, its on constant beating, yeah i can live with that. When would it flutter and jump again? Soon? Later? Never? Who knows? But I trust in a GREAT SCHEME OF THINGS, come what may as they all say.. For now, Ive got to move along, get a grip and pretend to be stoned again till the day comes. So I guess I should be holding on to that sparkle eh?
Hopeless Romantic.. WTF hhahahha
I get so much mixed emotions from this song. I wanna cry and just slump in my room while listening to Flightless Bird, American Mouth. LOL and its not even a love song.. hahaha
The song makes me feel there's something missing in me, which is not new really, but it magnifies that emptiness a thousand fold. I shouldnt even be feeling this way, gosh the song is supposed to be political. An expression of disappointment on what America has become and how the Americans have been apathetic to the obvious destruction and break down thats looming so near.
Maybe Im feeling the song writers sadness. Listening to the song over and over again, I cant help but wonder if there are still people like him who cares for their country enough to resort to such passionate poetry. I dont know, people around seems so motivated by self interest these days.
Still, Im brought back to my dilema, In taking the road less travelled, would there be that much difference? With this purpose not yet known, its hard to hang on a ropeless hope.
I dont know, I really dont know..
Focus according to dictionary.com has 9 different meanings. What i particularly like is when focus is used as a verb, it would mean to concentrate. hmmm such a common word Focus is, yet when I get to encounter the chance to get to know it, I get swallowed by my BFF Lazy. Lazy, another word I so love oh too much. Unlike Focus, I dont have to look into a dictionary to know what it means. Ive lived with Lazy all my 22 or so years. Wow! I amaze myself with the way im personifying blant words.. hehehe lokaret jud.. Point is im loosing focus. No, actually Ive never had it from the beginning.
What did I learn while in law school? I learned that Im Lazy, a selective reader, and I that I embrace distractions all so willingly. Everyday since day 1 of school, Ive been bombarded with so many cases and books to read. Oh I read alright, but I dont comprehend or even if I do, they all get charged to my short term memory, and its span is only about 24 hours. All gets so blurry thereafter.
I remember why I wanted to study law, coz I want to out do myself. I wanna turn my back to Lazy, shes so fun and welcoming. Distraction is such a doll, he gives me so many exciting things to do. Focus on the other hand is boring, and painful..
I need to revamp mylife, tell me how do you focus? hays I need help..
“INGAT KA NENENG” This documentary made by the PROBE TEAM hosted by Che-Che Lazaro was about the very existent and real child trafficking practice in our country. The film featured minors from remote areas of Samar, a poor and seemingly desolate province, whom are subjected to sex slavery or prostitution. The parents and the children being tricked into thinking they were to be given a good job in Manila, instead the hopeful girls found themselves in a casa or brothel, a haven for prostitution. I am not surprised why these “Child Traffickers” chose areas such as that in the film. One could assume that the people in those kinds of places are in dire need for financial support, thus they would tend to grab any hint opportunity to earn more. It is just sad to know that even relatives, whom you would think as one who would share in the protection of your child, would be the perpetrator of such heartless acts. It is also a shame that there are not many programs or even adequate laws that protect the very vulnerable children. The watchdogs of government on this matters of concern are just not enough to safeguard our children from notorious individuals that are preying on their slum dispositions. As a member of the youth sector of society, I pity and feel bad for the children who have suffered this predicament, as I know the trauma and horror of their experiences in the brothels will mark them for life. In their age, they should have been busy in developing their talent or in enhancing a skill or discovering their identity. Instead they have been maltreated and are traded as mere commodities for the satisfaction of some peoples insatiable lusts. The damage done is so great that repair seems very faint. Thus in the long run, it would be society that would suffer the ill effects of a shattered personality coupled by possible violence and indifference towards betterment. The film is a call for more hands to be lent. Its is a call for the viewers to not turn the other cheek or simply pretend it does not exist, because we all know it does. Our society has grown apathy towards these pitiful conditions. Do we then accept that its is part of who we are? When will we act? When it would be our children's turn to suffer the same? We have become numb to horrifying realities but we weep with sincerity over fantasy and concerted drama.
He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying
He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break
He restores my faith in study guides
He leads me to better study habits
For my grades' sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of borderline grades
I will not have a nervous breakdown
For thou art with me
My prayers and my friends, they comfort me
Thou givest me the answer in moments of blankness
Thou anointest my head with understanding
My test paper runneth over with questions I recognise.
Surely passing grades and flying colours shall follow me
All the days of my examinations
And I shall not have to dwell in this exam hall forever.
i love this poem, since i read it when i was in grade school...
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Ethiopia shall stretch forth her
hand unto God. Oh thou God
of Ethiopia, thou God of divine
majesty, thy spirit come within our
hearts to dwell in the pasts of righteousness.
That the hungry be fed,
the sick nourished, the aged protected,
and the infant cared for. Teach us
love and loyalty as it is in Zion.
I pray for a man who's not a creep.
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
Who's not afraid to admit when he is wrong.
One who thinks before he speaks.
When he promises to call, he doesn't wait six weeks.
I pray that he is gainfully employed,
Won't lose his cool when he's annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh send me a man who will make love to my mind.
Know what to say when I ask "How fat is my behind?"
One who'll make love till my body's a' itchin'
He brings ME a sandwich too, when he goes to the kitchen.
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And never compare me to my best friend.
Thank you in advance and now I'll just wait,
For I know you will send him before it's too late.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love,
Where there is injury, pardon
Where there is doubt, faith,
Where there is despair, hope,
Where there is darkness, light,
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much
seek to be consoled as to console,
not so much to be understood as to understand,
not so much to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
it is in dying that we awake to eternal life.
I just got my tshirt from the presidentof our class. I got it late, its supposed to be worn for intramurals to represent the law department, anyway intrams bores me, so its ok.. Funny how the print says "Pain Has a Purpose". Makes me think of all the pains i went through. Some of which still feels sore, some are just distant memories, some i shudder remembering. I do agree that pain does have a purpose, its just that we often times dwell too much on the hurt and suffering it brings. The anguish, sorrow, tears, sleepless nights, and trauma these pains bring make us not want to be in the same disposition ever again. Question, do we get the purpose? I think not. There is so many songs, poems, art and etc. that express the pain the artists feel, but rarely do you hear or see a contemplation or an understanding of that pain. I personally havent seen anyone in gratitude for the pain while in pain. Oh maybe physical pain being welcomed(self inflicted or otherwise) but welcoming the pain is different from understanding and accepting why it happens. But no one in their right mind would choose to be in pain, i mean do u? Ive welcomed pain but i didnt really understand fully or if given a more beneficial choice I wouldnt choose pain. Im thinking, I should post this phrase in my room, noh? It should be a reminder that though I might be in pain, this has a purpose? The question is, is the pain for better or for worse? I guess I'll have to find out after the pain subsides.
Hmmm lemme list my current pains and evaluate which of them I seems to bring a good purpose. In no particular order and category:
- not sleeping 8hrs a day
- the long list of cases i have to read AND understand
- my tight panties
- my hagard look (its a pain for women u know)
- migraine (pota tlga to)
- pressure to pass a 75% passing rate (hayoooop!!!!!!!)
- a complicated love life (fling lang)
- lvl 48 pa rin ang character ko sa RF
- no income
- wlang boylet (frustrated sexlife hahahha)
For now this is the list i can come up with.. I dont think there's anything too painful here, noh? Im thankful I dont have that many pains and its not at all seeping and tearing me apart. Mai purpose ba lahat? How bout the sexlife thingy? hahahhaha Thank you Lord, mahal mo tlga ako.. Try it, list down ur pains, maybe ull see or atleast understand its purpose..
|In the wheel of time|
I had proposed to publish here, once a year, texts by Carlos Castañeda, an anthropologist who influenced my generation with his tales of meetings with Mexican sorcerers. For lack of space, I have not done so since 2004. Today I woke up thinking: Castañeda, despite all his critics and all his work that later on seemed so disorderly to me, should not be forgotten. So here we present some of his reflections.
Intention is the important thing: for the old sorcerers of Mexico, intention (intento) is a force that intervenes in all aspects of time and space. To be able to use and manipulate this force calls for impeccable behavior. A warrior’s final goal is to be able to lift his head above the rut where he is confined, look around him, and change what he wants. To do so he needs to have discipline and pay attention all the time.
Nothing is easy: nothing in this world is given as a present: everything has to be learned with a great deal of effort. A man who seeks knowledge must have the same behavior as a soldier going to war: absolutely attentive, afraid, respectful and utterly confident. If he follows these recommendations, he may lose the odd battle but he will never cry over his fate.
Fear is natural: fear of the freedom that knowledge brings us is absolutely natural; however, no matter how terrible the apprenticeship may be, it is worse to live without wisdom.
Irritation is unnecessary: becoming irritated with others means giving them the power to interfere in our lives. It is imperative to overcome this feeling. By no means should the acts of others distract us from our only alternative in life: coming in touch with the infinite.
The end is an ally: when things begin to get confused, a warrior thinks about his death and immediately his spirit returns to him. Death is everywhere. Think of the headlights of a car following us along a winding road; sometimes we lose sight of it, sometimes it appears to be too close, sometimes the headlights go out. But this imaginary car never stops (and one day catches up with us). The very idea of death gives men the necessary detachment to go ahead despite all their tribulations. A man who knows that death is approaching every day tries everything, but without feeling anxiety.
The present is unique: a warrior knows how to wait, because he knows what he is waiting for. And while he waits, he wants nothing, and in this way anything he receives – however small – is a blessing. The common man worries too much about loving others, or being loved by them. A warrior knows what he wants - that is all in his life and that is where he concentrates all his energy. The common man spends the present acting as winner or loser, and depending on the results he becomes persecutor or victim. The warrior, on the other hand, worries only about his acts, which will lead him to the objective he has traced for himself.
Intention is transparent: intention (intento) is not a thought, nor an object, nor a desire. It is what makes a man triumph in his objectives and lifts him up from the ground even when he has delivered himself up to defeat. Intention is stronger than man.
It is always the last battle: the warrior’s spirit does not complain about anything, because he was not born to win or lose. He was born to fight, and each battle is the last that he is waging on the face of the Earth. That is why the warrior always leaves his spirit free, and when he gives himself to combat, knowing that his intention is transparent, he laughs and enjoys himself.
Well Im back to playing massive multiplayer online role playing games (MMORPG). I got crazy about World of Warcraft about 2 yrs ago just before I graduated. Now my time is eaten up by RFonline.. Really cool game. You might want to check the game out if thats your things also. The site is www.rfonline.ph this will direct you to the official game for philippine players. The game is made possible for filipinos thru LevelUp. The same company that brought Ragnarok here in the country also.
Since Im going back to an academic life again, I think I wont be able to waste my time as much as I want to. But hopefully I could still make time for nonesense.. hahhahah
This is a late announcement since I got the results last week monday pa.. Im happy to say that I passed the USC Law School entrance exam at 69% equivalent to high average, passing rate is 40%..Damn!! that was one difficult exam indeed. 3 long hours of twisting my brain and straining my eyes..weeeeeeee hehehhehe..
Im not built to become a Lawyer. I have no study habits I am far from being organized and I have too many distractions. But as my HS principal once told me: your competition is your own self, in everything you do, all it takes is to beat yourself and be the best. FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS.. matod pa ni Ms. Seville.. hehehhe
Perky me was in Robinsons to book a flight for Manila, ofcourse with amster hand in hand, we got shocked by the number of people crammed in the airlines limited space. But brushing the worry aside, I said its OK I can wait 1-2 hrs its nothing as long as Im getting on a plane. So I left my mom there in line waiting for her number to be called and I went window shopping with my bro. By the way, Robinsons stink like hell. I think there is something wrong with their drainage or sewerage because that area where Bo's cafe is located, smells so putrid you think the cafe is selling urine. Moving forward, Kirk and I roamed around for a good 45 mins and then we ate lunch which was technically merienda due to the time. We went back to check on mama and Lo and behold! Only 5 numbers had moved since I left. Crazy right? Well apparently they were experiencing and to quote "slow booking due to a change in their booking system" Yeah I also saw in the news about more than a week ago that the domestic airport of MIA got jam-packed because of Cebu Pacific's P-A-T-H-E-T-I-C system.
End of the story? Oh we got booked alright... after 10 agonizing hours!! We were there 1 pm we finished everything by around 11pm-ish. And you know what? Not more than 30 people were catered between that time. So if your traveling via airplane soon, I know Cebu Pacific is cheaper to PAL, just try and check if their problem has been solved. You don't wanna waste a good chunk of your time to be just in queue.
|Genre:||Mystery & Suspense|
Oh how happy and carefree I was back then, so as we mostly were I think. I can almost smell the cooking classes we had, feel again the haughtiness and rebellious anger. All of them although a little long ago, was still so fresh to me and as always had been the best time of my life. As I look back from where I am now, I wonder where have these faces in my high school yearbook gone to? How are they doing? Interestingly, did they become the person/professional they wrote here to be? Its funny to see that I wrote in the yearbook I wanted to be a CPA. Well I did graduate knowing the accounting principles, but the wind has changed. I dont want to count money I do not own..
As I read on, I silently congratulated the faces who were consistent with what they initially wanted. I was a bit saddened by knowing some were never able to realize their dream, some needed to stop pursuing it, others didnt have the heart to start it. Me? I am just thankful that at least I made it halfway, and now, though I wont continue that CPA crown, I am still aiming and dreaming for something to achieve. Still pursuing and still wanting to realize it.
I offer a silent prayer, that all of us who dream and aspire may reach it no matter how many crossroads we might encounter. I pray that whatever direction we choose, we would still be blessed by the will, strength and the intense passion to travel the heights.
|Genre: ||Romantic Comedy|
This was a movie released back in 1999. It starred Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer. This is one of those movies i prefer to watch. Im not much of a sci-fi and magic movie kinda woman, I simply enjoy connecting what Im watching with daily instances of life. It's nice to see myself in a character, makes me learn more of who I am. Anyway this movie is about a married couple of 15 yrs who are at the verge of giving up on their promised journey together. Overt the years of their marriage all they seem to remember are the fights and horrible arguments that led them to hate each other to a point that they just simply make a happy scene in front of their two kids. But dont get them wrong, they still love each other so much and are finding ways to make up. Still with all the effort, they often end up lashing at each other for who they are and what they did, simply pointing fingers on whose to blame on why they had grown apart. You see, wife is so OC and has to be on specific schedule even sex has to be timed, while on the other hand husband is just too carefree and spontaneous. The two are clawing at each other because of differences.
Since The Notebook, this was the latest movie I shed tears on. It just hits me that it talks about setting aside differences and to compromise for the sake of your love and rich history both of you in a relationship have brought. I especially like the part where in Katie (Michelle Pfeiffer) decided on the last minute not to tell the kids they were getting a divorce because they were an "us" and she cant tell any other man she'll be with in the future that her child has his hands simply because he is not the father.
Relationships are about absorbing that other person so that in time there is only an "us" and no longer a you or a me. In relationships youll always see that in time both of you become a single tune it doesnt sound the same if correct notes are not side by side.
I love this movie and a toast to our relationships
|Location:||right across Fooda|
Price: as in "caching!" so overly priced omg sooo mahal. Id understand the price tag if met up to how it should per my tastes, but sad to say ill pay Da Vinci's higher and most important thing,
CUSTOMER SERVICE: 00000000000 is my rating the cashier is with all smiles but, darling i dont need your teeth flashing face when im eating pizza, i want it served to me, to my table with the words " anything else you wanted ma'am?". Call me lazy call me tihik, but i wont pay for a pizza that just isnt that wonderfuly flavored and has a service crew that doesnt do any service. Id rather take my money else where.
Bohol Bohol!! My first ever trip on a real boat was to the Island of Bohol. This is where half of my roots are from. I love the place, its serenity promises ease and relaxation as if the main city of Cebu is far far away. My one night stay was like bathing in the open sun and showering with the earths cries..
isabeau jane, you selected the following three cards, in this order, that represent your
past, present and future:
While we often think we are aware of all that is happening in our lives, sometimes the card we choose regarding the Present provides deeper insight than we are able to tap into on our own. Carefully consider the Tarot's following assessment of your present, and see what the cards are trying to teach you about situations occurring in your life right now.
Approximately 75% people who pick The Sun in the second position say that it accurately matches what's happening at the present time.
The Sun represents the primary influence on the current state of your life. Right now, in your present, you may be experiencing a period of pleasure and carefree contentment. You may have freedom to move about as you choose. Getting this card in this position may be a sign that you are enjoying your successes, and the happiness that comes from within. Beware of isolation and loneliness. Instead, try to accept life as it is, and let love and friendship be yours.
The Sun is card twenty in the Major Arcana, symbolizing contentment. In this card, a great sun shines down on a boy riding a horse. The boy holds the red banner of life in his left hand, symbolizing the conscious lessons that you have successfully learned. The four sunflowers represent water, fire, earth, and air—the four elements of the Tarot that are represented in the Minor Arcana. The horse signifies freedom to move freely toward your goals. The Sun brings happiness in partnerships and pleasure in life. This card is a sign of success across the board in life, and a mastering of your talents.
There are a number of ways this card could be playing out right now. Some possibilities include:
Understanding our past decisions and situations can help us derive more from the lessons life is trying to teach us. It's never too late to acknowledge the truths of our past and bring that wisdom into our present and future.
90% of people who are dealt the Strength card in the first position say that it accurately represents their past.
Strength exerted a significant impact on your past. This means that at some point in your past, you were likely confronted with a distressing challenge. The Strength card in this position is a sign that you were able to face the situation with courage, while maintaining your calm and compassionate demeanor. This experience, and the reactions it elicited from others, brought you to the point you're at today.
Card nine is Strength, indicating the victory of love over hate. The lion in this card represents your fears, and the woman is facing fear calmly, almost appearing to pet the lion as she closes his mouth. The infinity symbol above her head signifies her confidence in calming life's inevitable fears. This is the card of expressing unconditional love in the face of your greatest fears. Strength uses the power of composed courage to face overwhelming conditions. It is a reminder to strive for understanding in the effort to free yourself from fears and move forward on your life path.
This card may have affected the overall tenor of your life, or just a particular area. Following are a few possibilities for how you experienced these influences in your past:
This card is the strongest indicator of what your future will hold.
Your future, as it currently stands, is represented by the third card you chose. Temperance is the card of patience, which indicates that at some point soon, you may find your patience being tested. In order to achieve harmony and balance, you'll need to respond with cooperation and self-discipline. Put yourself in other people's shoes to develop a deeper understanding. When the situation presents itself, choose adaptability over indecision.
Temperance represents patience. The archangel Michael is pouring the essence of life out of a silver cup into a golden cup, representing the flow from the unconscious to the conscious and back again. One of his feet is perched on water and one is placed on land, representing the balance between logic and emotions. This is the card of self-discipline and the ability to achieve harmony with others. It reminds you to go with the flow of life, and to try to see where others are coming from.
More than any other step of life's journey, this card represents the lessons you must learn and the experiences in store for you in your upcoming karmic destiny. This may impact you in any number of ways, including:
This is the last day I call myself a WaMu banker and a PS e-Rep. A year and a half or so have passed, such a short time really, but as I look back on the experience, I shudder with for thrill of the months that had expired. With that little time, I would never have thought of the great change it had brought me.
I started off as a distant dreamer, I never really believed in a career path. I chose the company on a first come first serve basis. PS was the one who called first, all the rest were too late. Still I didnt care what I will do just give me a job and ill do as u like, as a passive me have always been. I learned with out that much of an effort, just like how school was for me. I just learn fast thats all. For the longest time Ive always been the great ingrate for always missing the effort and most of the time showing off discounted bests. Nonetheless, I liked it there, I dont know why but something triggered my dead motivation and absent inspiration.
Without really giving it much notice or thought, I saw a new me, in an image so different, from what I had always painted. Little by little I sensed the bud of thrill from learning. Friendships are out of the question, as much as I hate a monotonous feeling is how I adore building social networks. I opened up to people as usual for me as the day comes. Special closeness were for characters so different from who I was. To teammates, supervisors and TMs, all of you have had a hand in molding me.
As I close this chapter of a beginning I had started not so long ago, I bear with me a beaming pride brought by the millions of calls I had to take, the callers I had to please and the thought that for all the time I had spent it had been the first time I forgot the experience was for me. Learning in its most true sense was the prize I won and a prize I will continue to pursue from now on.